Communication for Forgiveness
By Margo Diann Abshier, ND
8/30/2023
Proverbs 18:17 Amplified Bible
The first one to plead his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.
In Biblical Conflict Resolution, it is important that both parties be fully heard and understood.
Telling the truth isn’t “justification” of your actions; it is “due process,” an extremely important legal concept developed in America to more perfectly facilitate justice.
We owe it to each other; we have a duty to each other to work out differences to the satisfaction of both parties whenever possible. I do not believe that is an unrealistic goal; it shouldn’t be among Christians.
Without fully exploring grievances, nothing gets fully resolved. Forgiveness may be spoken in words, but without a transformation on some level (recognition of false assumptions, understanding of motivation, acknowledgment of error, commitment to change, etc.), resentment, distrust, and estrangement will remain for the perceived offenses.
Without examining and resolving these errors of mind, heart, and habit, forgiveness is a superficial act, and hurts are not really healed, and resentments are not really resolved.
Forgiveness is not a band-aid to cover over a wound until it heals from time and to keep it hidden from view until it does.
Wounds heal best when exposed to sunlight and fresh air. Likewise, transparency and honest disclosure are the best ways to heal hurts and facilitate true and deep forgiveness in relationships.
This approach also facilitates spiritual growth that deeply pleases our heavenly Father.
That is why He put us here in His creation, so that we may grow up in Him: “until we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ.” Ephesians 4:13-14.
2 Corinthians 3:17-18: “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty and freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into His self-same image with ever intensifying glory, from glory to glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”
Learning the skills of tentative confrontation and asking non-accusatory questions go a long way toward strengthening relationships and healing emotional wounds.